We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
