Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize