he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
