Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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