So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
