My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
