More tranny stories later!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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