I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
