Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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