How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
