Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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