Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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