believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
