i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She bit a glass in half.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
