All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
