So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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