ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
