I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
