I bet he comes in French.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
