It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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