I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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