Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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