I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize