My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
