Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
