You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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