matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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