I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
