I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
