Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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