Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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