So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
