would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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