wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
