I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
