I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
