party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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