This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
