I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
