Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
