so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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