She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
