Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
