You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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