the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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