Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
