I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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