Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
40s are totally the cure
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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