It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
