So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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