i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
