Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
