i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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