tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
