i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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