you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
