I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
