Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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