I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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