I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
