I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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