Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
