This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
