I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
