we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
True strength comes from lack of pants
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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