Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
