Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
